We men have long used a 1-10 scale to rank women on their hotness / desirability. Women (and men) have lacked a comparable scale for men, because what women find attractive in men is a bit more complicated. Well, I figured it out for you, and here it is:
The Score for Men
- Some Muscle
- Middle-Class Money or above
- Social Proof / Fame
- High-Status Job
- Good Looks
- Personal Behavior / Game
Each is worth one point out of ten. So what’s your score?
Is your score not high enough to get the girls you want? Or to keep The Woman you already got? Perhaps there is something you could do to raise your score? Perhaps a little more explanation is in order…
In general, The Woman wants The Man to be taller than her. How much taller? Well, in our modern world, if you are only three inches taller than her, and she puts on three-inch heels, then suddenly you are seeing eye-to-eye; then she cannot look up into your eyes right before you kiss her (this sort of thing is important to girls). So, she probably wants you to be at least five inches taller than she is. As will be repeated several times throughout this chapter, once you hit the minimum threshold, additional height scores you no more points. (This also means that if you are tall enough to get that point with her, another man who’s taller than you won’t necessarily be more attractive to her.)
In order to score this point, The Man has to be above-average intelligence, and probably also slightly more intelligent than The Woman. (If she is IQ 99 or less, you simply need to be in the triple digits; if she has IQ of 120, you’d better be 125 or more.) Any more intelligence than that does not score you any additional points. (Contrary to what some believe, very high IQ does not hurt The Man’s chances with women; it is just a matter of confidence with women, and social skills – see Ch. 6: The Game.)
The Woman likes The Man to have broad shoulders. Some men are genetically gifted in this regard, others can work their shoulders in the gym to add a few inches of width.
Intra-abdominal fat produces inflammatory cytokines, increasing the probability of developing multiple disease states (see Ch. 8: The Obesity Epidemic). Thus, a girl or woman will prefer a small waist on a man (note that the combination of wide shoulders and small waist gives a man the fabled “V-taper”). This is hard-wired into her brain by evolution; no, our hunter-gatherer ancestors didn’t talk about inflammatory cytokines ’round the fire, but the small waist is consistent with evolutionary fitness.
(She may also wonder if she can wrap her cute little legs around your waist without discomfort…)
Just like it sounds. Again, some is enough to score this point; more than the minimum is not worth any additional points.
Middle-Class Money or above
Many men – specifically, those who would really like to fuck hot chicks, but are not doing so – believe that you have to be “rich” to get hot girls. Not so. However, you certainly have to be able to support yourself*, and maybe her too. (She can pay for any child-specific expenses, even if her kids are your kids. House, car, furniture, appliances, monthly bills? On you. Baby needs a new pair of shoes? Mommy’s bank account.) So, how much are we talkin’?
According to G. William Domhoff in his article Power in America: Wealth, Income, and Power, the richest one percent have 30% of the nation’s wealth, the top 10% have 70%, and the top 20% have 85%. So, no matter how you slice it, more than 50% of U.S. citizens are poor. (And yet, over 90% of Americans “think of themselves as” middle-class; that’s how successful the psychological warfare has been.) To score this point, you are going to have to be well into the top half of Americans (maybe the top 1/4?), financially.
Going to college can stand in for this point temporarily, because it gives her a Reality-Based Expectation (RBE) that you will have middle-class money – or above – at some point in the not too distant future.
* Yeah, yeah. You know so many guys who have no job and no money who bang 9s and 10s all day. Whatev.
Social Proof / Fame
Humans are social animals. Well, it might be more accurate to say that women are social animals; without them to domesticate us, we men would probably just kill each other off (The Woman: “Why are you still single?”; The Man: “I’ve haven’t met The Woman who could domesticate me yet.”)
Friend-of-a-friend is what girls find ideal, but really you just need some social connection. She just doesn’t want you to be a complete stranger. The Man finds it kind of ridiculous how women are always talking about “axe-murderers”, but when’s the last time you saw a story on the news about a man getting raped or killed by a woman he met on Craig’s List? That shit does happen to women, and women know about it. There are no guarantees in life, but you can take steps to reduce the risk a significant amount. One of the most effective strategies women have found is to know someone in common, or even just have a social situation where you two get a chance to get to know a little bit about each other. If you are a repeat customer at a store, and there’s a cute girl who works there, try talking to her (but just for a few minutes each time, even if she’s not busy). Or, let’s say you like hiking, and you join a hiking group on meetup.com (or whatever activity you like doing), and you meet a girl that way. Over the course of a few months, she might feel like she knows you well enough to say yes when you ask her out.
Even if you don’t meet through some social connection, she’s still gonna want to know that you have friends, and that they aren’t losers. Dating / having sex with a woman at least as attractive as her also works.
Fame basically gives you social proof with strangers.
Scientist, Professor, Pilot, Astronaut, Doctor, Lawyer. You get the drill.
We could almost call this category “Movie-star good looks” (or, more recently, hawt), but you don’t have to be perfect… just damn close! The women know who’s got it, and any man who’s got it knows he does too, because girls and women will just flat out tell him that he can have her. Over 90% of men are never gonna score this point.
Personal Behavior / Game
Rule #1: Treat yourself with respect.
Rule #2: Keep her guessing.
Rule #3: Don’t be mean.
That right there is enough “Game” to score most men this point in most situations. As covered in previous chapters, you don’t have to be a jerk or asshole, you just can’t be a doormat. You have to treat yourself with respect in order for her to feel respect for you, and she has to feel respect for you in order to feel attraction for you. You do not have to treat her with respect in order for her to feel attraction for you.
-1 for being more than ten years older.
The X Factor
Sometimes a girl just likes you, and neither you nor her know exactly why. Just go with it. Worth +1 (the maximum is still ten).
If you don’t have hygeine and grooming down – at least in a basic way – then you’re not even on the board.
“What about confidence?” you will say. Everybody knows that men who have a lot of confidence get the women. Well, as Harvard business professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter described in her book Confidence: Why Winning Streaks and Losing Streaks Begin and End, the feeling we call confidence is the result of the experience of winning. So, women use the presence of confidence as a marker for “a winner” in the game of life – which is why, if a man has supreme confidence, and she has sex with him, and then he turns out to be a lower value than she had assumed, she feels “betrayed.”
Men are said to be polygamous (wanting to spread the seed around), and women monogamous (I’m not going to get into that whole subject; just read Sperm Wars and you will know that monogamy + cheating has been normal for most humans for most of human history).
It is very important to realize that women are also hyper-gamous. This does not necessarily mean, as some blogs have described it, that women all want the alpha male and will leave / cheat on a beta male if given an opportunity with an alpha. It does mean that The Woman wants to “marry up”; that is, she wants to marry / reproduce with a man who is one or two points higher than her.
You will have to be at least the same number as her, and one point higher would be ideal for a LTR (older guys, remember to subtract one if more than ten years). This has implications for the divorce rate. Just as some women “let themselves go” – i.e., gain weight – after they get married, so some men “let themselves go” after the wedding – i.e., he stops doing the behaviors that made her have the Attraction Reaction before the wedding (remember what David DeAngelo said about attraction not being a choice). If his number drops below hers, she’s not going to be able to choose to feel the same way she used to. I’m not trying to blame the men for all the divorce, I’m just saying… it happens. (OTOH, there’s also this.)
Being an N can give a man +1 with an N woman; it does not score any points with S women. (The maximum is still 10.)
Alphas, Betas, and Gammas… oh my!
To put this scoring system into terms familiar to the “Seduction Community” / Evo Psych crowd:
10 = Super Alpha
9 = Alpha
8 = Lesser Alpha
7 = Greater Beta
6 = Beta
5 = Gamma
4 or less = Omega
The Score for Women
Women and girls may not like this, but they already know it, really. The Woman’s score is based almost entirely on her looks. (Note: I did not say that a woman’s worth is entirely about her looks; this is about the Attraction Reaction, remember?)
- sub-5: don’t even wanna think about it.
- 5: not do-able, but maybe there’s something she could change to become do-able (typically, lose weight).
- 6: do-able.
- 7: desirable (cute, pretty).
- 8: great (beautiful, hot)
- 9: super-great (gorgeous, stunning)
- 10: unbelievable
A 10 is so amazing that your brain literally cannot accept it. You look at her and you just cannot believe that someone who actually exists could be that good-looking. The instant you look away, your brain immediately refashions the image of her in your memory to make her slightly less amazing than she actually is, so that if you look at her again a few seconds later, you are again shocked by how amazing she is. This never stops happening, no matter how many times you do it – so long as she remains a 10.
There are very, very few actual tens on the planet at any given moment. Most women that most people call 10s are actually 9s (most “9s” are really 8s, etc.) Men do this to try to inflate – in their own minds and/or the minds of others – how hot have been the women they have gotten. Women rank other women higher than reality to make themselves feel better about… themselves, obviously.
Whew, the 9’s gonna seem like a let-down after that over-the-top stuff about the 10, huh? Not to worry, you have no chance with any 9’s anyway, dorkus. Errrr… what I meant to say is that the 9s are who you thought were 10s anyway, so no loss. There, now don’t you feel better?
To be a 9, a woman has to have a hot or beautiful face, and a great bod, and that something special, that sexiness, that … je ne sais quoi. Also known as tits; there are no flat-chested 9s. (Note: I am not advocating fake tits, or any other plastic surgery. I am not alone in preferring small & natural over big and fake.)
8s are like “normal” beautiful. That’s not a neg at all, beautiful is still great; just that this is about the best the vast majority of men could ever hope to do (even though the vast majority of men never will). Many professional models are here, and some of the better looking Hollywood actresses.
Minimum for attraction reaction. 7s are the normal cute or pretty girls of everyday life. Most women who are attractive are 7s, and most women can be a 7 from approximately 18-24.
I wouldn’t put any effort into pursuing her, but if she offered herself to me I wouldn’t say no.
But Weight, there’s MOAR…
Sorry to drive this point home so hard, and I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad, and please don’t starve yourself. However, the truth is Good and the lie is Evil. Many 5s could become 6s, and many 6s could become 7s (and some 5s could become 7s) by one simple change: lose the extra pounds. I know you’re sick of hearing this, but we have to combat the “fat acceptance movement”.
The bad news is that you’ve been lied to your whole life. The good news is that the truth will set you free. Which brings us to …
Copyright © 2010 by Jeffrey Brauer. All rights reserved.